Three multi-course meals a day with snacks and coffee in-between, heaps of salmon, desserts that make your mouth water, incredible sauces poured generously over anything that looks too low-calorie....ah, cruise dining!* How can a girl help but gain at least a few pounds on one of these trips?
Well, I've discovered the secret: come down with gastroenteritis!! Why, after a mere day or so of throwing up in your stateroom, you won't even want to look at the menu! (The number of cases on our little ship would suggest that this is our fellow passengers' favored weight-loss program as well.)
Naturally, gastroenteritis does have its drawbacks. For one, you may miss some of the sites – but really only if you're unambitious. In my strong determination to see the incredible wooden 22-domed 18th Century church on the little island of Kizhi, I trekked out with the rest of the ship for the excursion. Admittedly, I did have to head back early and was, to my embarrassment, unable to reach the facilities in time on the return journey. So a lovely group of 30 or so tourists got to watch me heave up my lunch, with the beautiful Transfiguration Church in the background. But hey, at least I saw the church!
--//--
*You may be thinking to yourself, “Wait, I thought you were going to study in Moscow – what's this about a cruise??” Yes, I was studying in Moscow. However, my mother will use any excuse to travel, my dad will follow my mother anywhere, and my brother has a tendency to tag along for the ride. So my parents & brother flew over to Russia to join me for a 13-day incredible river cruise from Moscow to St. Petersburg!
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Lenin FunHouse & more Language Gaffes
A friend & I took off one Sunday morning to visit a decades-old corpse. I missed Mao when I was in Beijing, so I felt that I really shouldn't miss this chance to “pay my respects” to dear 'ole Lenin.
We waited in an hour-long line for a brief look at the waxy figure. It was really quite creepy. The entire mausoleum is extremely dark, save the spotlights on Lenin's pasty face. We walked around a little dark corridor, lined with stone-faced guards, fumbled our way down a short staircase, turned a corner and – there he was. Lenin.
Actually, the whole experience was so other-worldly that my friend & I decided that Russia was missing out on a rich opportunity. After all, they are wasting a perfectly good opportunity for a Halloween-style FunHouse! Imagine: a tourist walks in the center room where everything is dark, save Lenin's figure. They step on a hidden tile, then – Bam! – up pops Lenin, hands out, eyes and mouth wide open! Ha, what fun that would be! Why, right now they let people visit for free. But for a show of that quality, I bet they could charge even $10 a person! Clearly, the Russians are missing out.
However, they choose to be incredibly serious about the mausoleum. In fact, tourists aren't even allowed to bring bags into the site; you have to check them near the entrance. Well, after the brief visit, all tourists are shoved back onto the Red Square, away from bag check building, which is cordoned off from the rest of the Square. Not seeing how to get to my bags again without stepping back into the original hour-long line to visit Lenin, I became quite worried. In my rush & concern, I stepped up to one of the guards, intending to ask about my backpack (“Moi Rucksack!”). Instead, I came across as passionately concerned about my pen (“Maya ruchka!”). Fortunately, the guard still got the idea and pointed me in the right direction. Oh, well! At least I got my bag back, right?
We waited in an hour-long line for a brief look at the waxy figure. It was really quite creepy. The entire mausoleum is extremely dark, save the spotlights on Lenin's pasty face. We walked around a little dark corridor, lined with stone-faced guards, fumbled our way down a short staircase, turned a corner and – there he was. Lenin.
Actually, the whole experience was so other-worldly that my friend & I decided that Russia was missing out on a rich opportunity. After all, they are wasting a perfectly good opportunity for a Halloween-style FunHouse! Imagine: a tourist walks in the center room where everything is dark, save Lenin's figure. They step on a hidden tile, then – Bam! – up pops Lenin, hands out, eyes and mouth wide open! Ha, what fun that would be! Why, right now they let people visit for free. But for a show of that quality, I bet they could charge even $10 a person! Clearly, the Russians are missing out.
However, they choose to be incredibly serious about the mausoleum. In fact, tourists aren't even allowed to bring bags into the site; you have to check them near the entrance. Well, after the brief visit, all tourists are shoved back onto the Red Square, away from bag check building, which is cordoned off from the rest of the Square. Not seeing how to get to my bags again without stepping back into the original hour-long line to visit Lenin, I became quite worried. In my rush & concern, I stepped up to one of the guards, intending to ask about my backpack (“Moi Rucksack!”). Instead, I came across as passionately concerned about my pen (“Maya ruchka!”). Fortunately, the guard still got the idea and pointed me in the right direction. Oh, well! At least I got my bag back, right?
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Communism meets Capitalism
“Originally opened in 1939 as the All-Union Exhibition of Agriculture (promoting a decade of collectivization), this is Stalinist architecture at its most grandiose and free market enterprise at its most indifferent...” advertises my travel book on the VDNKh park. And it really is, too!
Stalin loved giant architecture and and huge walkways, so that's exactly how the park is laid out. The entire park is filled with giant, elaborately-designed pavilions and covered in huge statues of peasants (typically carrying a sickle, ax, wheat, or some combination thereof). As all of the buildings were essentially originally intended to demonstrate the greatness of the USSR, I expected to come upon some historical information or a museum of Soviet history. However, capitalism has taken root here – and in the worst way possible.
Each pavilion represents a different Soviet republic. Rather than providing information on each republic, however, many of these pavilions are filled with a maze of kitchy kiosks offering overly-priced dollar-store rejects. You can find any piece of crap here your heart could possibly desire: lava lamps, goth bracelets, plastic Samurai swords... really, it's a White Elephant party gift dreamland. Any pavilion that isn't filled with kiosks has a restaurant instead.
My friends & I should have suspected as much as we were walking up to and around the park. The park sidewalks are lined with dozens of cheap theme park games (“Hit one of the targets and win a bear!!”) and massive bouncy-castles. (Honestly, I've never seen so many bouncy-castles in my life. I didn't actually even really realize there was a market for these things...and certainly not in a Soviet-era park.) After wandering around completely befuddled, we decided to stop in one of the many outdoor restaurants in the park.
We looked at the prices at one location, thinking they seemed decent. What we didn't realize was that the prices were by weight, not by item. So my friends and I sat, thrilled at the food that was coming our way... big chunks of freshly-grilled meat, surrounded by a fanciful salad, beautifully displayed. Soft bread... And potatoes! Oh, the potatoes! Well, it was all just wonderful. And to top it off, our server was actually helpful, possibly the most helpful server we've had yet. (After being in Russia, I will never again take decent, friendly service for granted.) We clearly had trouble communicating in Russian, so he would bring us examples of the food so that we could choose to order that particular item or not. Also – and most importantly – he opened up an employee bathroom for me so that I wouldn't have to use one of the nasty port-o-potties in the park! I was thrilled with the food, and the service! Ah, I decided, this man was going to get a big tip.
Well, then the bill came. At more than $50 per person, it was more than twice what we'd paid for any other meal, and in nice restaurants! “What??” we immediately thought, “$50 for a bit of meat, some veggies, bread and water??! And in outdoor park seating, with plastic forks that break mid-meal? Ridiculous!” (A generous tip had already been included in the full cost of the meal; I wonder how many other people had been surprised by the final bill.) Well, we paid up, clearly. And I couldn't be too upset... yes, it's possible that he ripped us off. Yes, it's possible that we paid more than twice what a Russian would pay. At the same time, I was thankful for my generously-portioned meal with US-style service, even if it didn't come with a smile. Also, Russians will pay money for anything if they are able, just because its a symbol of status. Really, anything.* Maybe the park caters to those sorts. After all, as we were leaving, we noticed that one ride on the Ferris Wheel would have cost nearly $10. Clearly, when communism meets capitalism, it's not very pretty.
--//--
*This is actually great for businesses that can take advantage of Russians' desire for “premium” brands. According to a TNK-BP representative who spoke to our Russian Energy Policy class, the company's premium “Ultimate” gas brand makes up a mere 5-10% of sales in Europe. In Russia, however, it accounts for a full 30%. Like I said, plenty of Russians will pay more for absolutely anything if they can....
Stalin loved giant architecture and and huge walkways, so that's exactly how the park is laid out. The entire park is filled with giant, elaborately-designed pavilions and covered in huge statues of peasants (typically carrying a sickle, ax, wheat, or some combination thereof). As all of the buildings were essentially originally intended to demonstrate the greatness of the USSR, I expected to come upon some historical information or a museum of Soviet history. However, capitalism has taken root here – and in the worst way possible.
Each pavilion represents a different Soviet republic. Rather than providing information on each republic, however, many of these pavilions are filled with a maze of kitchy kiosks offering overly-priced dollar-store rejects. You can find any piece of crap here your heart could possibly desire: lava lamps, goth bracelets, plastic Samurai swords... really, it's a White Elephant party gift dreamland. Any pavilion that isn't filled with kiosks has a restaurant instead.
My friends & I should have suspected as much as we were walking up to and around the park. The park sidewalks are lined with dozens of cheap theme park games (“Hit one of the targets and win a bear!!”) and massive bouncy-castles. (Honestly, I've never seen so many bouncy-castles in my life. I didn't actually even really realize there was a market for these things...and certainly not in a Soviet-era park.) After wandering around completely befuddled, we decided to stop in one of the many outdoor restaurants in the park.
We looked at the prices at one location, thinking they seemed decent. What we didn't realize was that the prices were by weight, not by item. So my friends and I sat, thrilled at the food that was coming our way... big chunks of freshly-grilled meat, surrounded by a fanciful salad, beautifully displayed. Soft bread... And potatoes! Oh, the potatoes! Well, it was all just wonderful. And to top it off, our server was actually helpful, possibly the most helpful server we've had yet. (After being in Russia, I will never again take decent, friendly service for granted.) We clearly had trouble communicating in Russian, so he would bring us examples of the food so that we could choose to order that particular item or not. Also – and most importantly – he opened up an employee bathroom for me so that I wouldn't have to use one of the nasty port-o-potties in the park! I was thrilled with the food, and the service! Ah, I decided, this man was going to get a big tip.
Well, then the bill came. At more than $50 per person, it was more than twice what we'd paid for any other meal, and in nice restaurants! “What??” we immediately thought, “$50 for a bit of meat, some veggies, bread and water??! And in outdoor park seating, with plastic forks that break mid-meal? Ridiculous!” (A generous tip had already been included in the full cost of the meal; I wonder how many other people had been surprised by the final bill.) Well, we paid up, clearly. And I couldn't be too upset... yes, it's possible that he ripped us off. Yes, it's possible that we paid more than twice what a Russian would pay. At the same time, I was thankful for my generously-portioned meal with US-style service, even if it didn't come with a smile. Also, Russians will pay money for anything if they are able, just because its a symbol of status. Really, anything.* Maybe the park caters to those sorts. After all, as we were leaving, we noticed that one ride on the Ferris Wheel would have cost nearly $10. Clearly, when communism meets capitalism, it's not very pretty.
--//--
*This is actually great for businesses that can take advantage of Russians' desire for “premium” brands. According to a TNK-BP representative who spoke to our Russian Energy Policy class, the company's premium “Ultimate” gas brand makes up a mere 5-10% of sales in Europe. In Russia, however, it accounts for a full 30%. Like I said, plenty of Russians will pay more for absolutely anything if they can....
RussiaToday: taking a FOX news “objective” approach
Our school organized a trip to RussiaToday, a global news network that brings the “Russian perspective” to the world, where we met with two RussiaToday representatives and visited the news rooms. Within the first five minutes of both introductions to the news channel, both representatives declared firmly that they “knew that the channel was often described in the West as being in the Kremlin's pocket – but that's simply not true!”
I feel like it might be appropriate here to mention that the network is completely government-funded.
Now, I don't know too much about RussiaToday; I've certainly never watched their news. So perhaps I'm overstepping my bounds here. But one of the other students is a frequent viewer of the channel, just for the purpose of hearing multiple perspectives. Apparently, the channel frequently referred to Russia's role in the Russia-Georgian war as a “peacekeeping” operation. Considering the controversy surrounding that entire situation, if that's not subjective news reporting, I'm not sure what is.
Ok, ok, despite all of the political hype, it really was an enjoyable trip! Our entire class was given a tour of multiple news-rooms and planning rooms. We all were able to shoot photos of the planning rooms and of ourselves sitting where their big news anchors deliver news. It was actually really wonderful to wander through the planning rooms filled with people – they had snacks all around and goofy little tongue-twisters posted on the wall. That part reminded me quite a bit of an American office!
After an truly delightful trip to RussiaToday, we headed to Gorky Park for dinner. I've decided that Gorky park is perhaps one of my favorite places in Moscow. You enter the park through huge Grecian columns that open up to a lawn of carefully arranged flowers, framed by a massive fountain in the background. On the weekends, you might even be lucky enough to catch the fountains dance and change colors to orchestra music! There's so much else to the park, though, I don't even know where to begin! Hm, perhaps a list will suffice: lush lawns, roller-bladers, ice-cream vendors, grass-cutting goats, lounging couples, loud families, waterfront theme park rides, leafy trees...and the list goes on. On this trip, we would stop by a little cafe with sofa seating, Christmas lights, and tasty BBQ. (Mmm...)
We decided to take a bit of a long route home this time, just to enjoy Moscow and the sites along the river. Along our walk, I began to hear bits of Latin music – my first in Moscow! We discovered that there's quite a lively salsa scene in Moscow ... AND REGULAR SALSA DANCING ALONG THE WATERFRONT!!!! I was ridiculously excited by what I saw: dozens of people, all swinging their hips to beautiful Latin music! To make it even better, it was all open air. No club was putting this on, so there was no “face control”* and there were normal people dancing! (Meaning: The floor wasn't filled with “Barbie girls” in six-inch heels.) Everyone was just there to dance and have a good time! I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the evening.
--//--
*Most clubs in Moscow employ some sort of “face control.” Basically, if you don't look nice enough, you won't be let in.
I feel like it might be appropriate here to mention that the network is completely government-funded.
Now, I don't know too much about RussiaToday; I've certainly never watched their news. So perhaps I'm overstepping my bounds here. But one of the other students is a frequent viewer of the channel, just for the purpose of hearing multiple perspectives. Apparently, the channel frequently referred to Russia's role in the Russia-Georgian war as a “peacekeeping” operation. Considering the controversy surrounding that entire situation, if that's not subjective news reporting, I'm not sure what is.
Ok, ok, despite all of the political hype, it really was an enjoyable trip! Our entire class was given a tour of multiple news-rooms and planning rooms. We all were able to shoot photos of the planning rooms and of ourselves sitting where their big news anchors deliver news. It was actually really wonderful to wander through the planning rooms filled with people – they had snacks all around and goofy little tongue-twisters posted on the wall. That part reminded me quite a bit of an American office!
After an truly delightful trip to RussiaToday, we headed to Gorky Park for dinner. I've decided that Gorky park is perhaps one of my favorite places in Moscow. You enter the park through huge Grecian columns that open up to a lawn of carefully arranged flowers, framed by a massive fountain in the background. On the weekends, you might even be lucky enough to catch the fountains dance and change colors to orchestra music! There's so much else to the park, though, I don't even know where to begin! Hm, perhaps a list will suffice: lush lawns, roller-bladers, ice-cream vendors, grass-cutting goats, lounging couples, loud families, waterfront theme park rides, leafy trees...and the list goes on. On this trip, we would stop by a little cafe with sofa seating, Christmas lights, and tasty BBQ. (Mmm...)
We decided to take a bit of a long route home this time, just to enjoy Moscow and the sites along the river. Along our walk, I began to hear bits of Latin music – my first in Moscow! We discovered that there's quite a lively salsa scene in Moscow ... AND REGULAR SALSA DANCING ALONG THE WATERFRONT!!!! I was ridiculously excited by what I saw: dozens of people, all swinging their hips to beautiful Latin music! To make it even better, it was all open air. No club was putting this on, so there was no “face control”* and there were normal people dancing! (Meaning: The floor wasn't filled with “Barbie girls” in six-inch heels.) Everyone was just there to dance and have a good time! I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the evening.
--//--
*Most clubs in Moscow employ some sort of “face control.” Basically, if you don't look nice enough, you won't be let in.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Gotta love being an American in Moscow
The US Embassy in Moscow is just a little piece of home! Embassy employees live in brick row-houses that are surrounded outside by freshly cut communal lawns and decorated inside with American-style mahogany wood furniture. When we were visiting some friends who are interning there, I was just so happy to be visiting a little piece of the US, if only for an evening! To make it even better, our friends had piles of hamburgers and other treats leftover from the Embassy Fourth of July celebration! And let me tell you, after a more than a month out of the country, there is perhaps nothing better than a grilled hamburger. :-)
As it turns out, knowing Embassy folks can have its perks. Apparently, the Ambassador is constantly receiving tickets to events around town, many of which he either has no interest or ability to attend. Therefore, these tickets make their way down the chain – and often into intern hands! Thanks to this fun little fact, one Tuesday evening, I found myself with an embassy friend at a theater with the Ambassador's third-row tickets to a modern dance performance!!
The performance itself was just trippy; I'm pretty sure the director must have been on drugs while planning this thing out. It started off with a screen-shot of a giant rose floating off into space, and the performance only made less sense as it went on. Scenes jumped from courting centaurs, to dancing sunflowers, to mostly-naked stone-age people fighting with prehistoric bones, to....well, you get the picture. To it's credit, the performance wasn't about making sense; it was really more about the wild visual effects of each scene throughout the evening. Overall, quite interesting. Plus, we had Ambassador's tickets!!
As it turns out, knowing Embassy folks can have its perks. Apparently, the Ambassador is constantly receiving tickets to events around town, many of which he either has no interest or ability to attend. Therefore, these tickets make their way down the chain – and often into intern hands! Thanks to this fun little fact, one Tuesday evening, I found myself with an embassy friend at a theater with the Ambassador's third-row tickets to a modern dance performance!!
The performance itself was just trippy; I'm pretty sure the director must have been on drugs while planning this thing out. It started off with a screen-shot of a giant rose floating off into space, and the performance only made less sense as it went on. Scenes jumped from courting centaurs, to dancing sunflowers, to mostly-naked stone-age people fighting with prehistoric bones, to....well, you get the picture. To it's credit, the performance wasn't about making sense; it was really more about the wild visual effects of each scene throughout the evening. Overall, quite interesting. Plus, we had Ambassador's tickets!!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Language Flubs
I'd hoped to get in some real language practice before coming to Moscow. And I'd like to say that I really, really tried! But the summer just got in the way. I had places to see and people to visit, so clearly there just simply wasn't time to spend hours in front of Rosetta Stone learning the Russian basics! That said, I headed to Moscow knowing little to no Russian. (And the little I did know wasn't exactly going to be useful. After all, how often does one need the phrase, “the woman drinks”??)
This certainly led to some interesting language encounters. I wanted to be friendly to our guards when entering the university and dorms, so said what I thought was “hello!” every morning. Only about a week and a half later did I realize that I was waving at them with a big smile, calling out “Thank you!!”
Fortunately, my Russian has progressed a bit since then.* Today, during a visit to Peter the Great's cabin in Moscow,** one of the other students and I had a delightfully goofy time practicing our new Russian vocabulary. (“Is that a purse?” “No, it's a dog!”) When we reached Peter the Great's log cabin, I decided to bust out some of my new vocabulary, “Eta dom. Eta malinki dom! Eta OCHIN malinki dom!!” (This is a house. This is a small house! This is a VERY small house!!) I was so proud of my little phrase until my friend noted that, perhaps, it might come off as a tad insulting to the Russians there. This was, after all, one of Peter the Great's cabins. Whoops!
--//--
*Alas, the first three weeks of language class were a bit of a bust, though it picked up considerably one we received a new teacher this week. Our first language teacher would cover huge amounts of unrelated material, so that it wasn't really possible to absorb it all in such a short time-frame. (One of the students said the material we'd seen in 2 weeks covered language grammar that she didn't look at for most of her first semester!) For instance, our professor “taught” us the various forms of “to go” – past, present, and future – all in the last 15 minutes of a class period one day. Please keep in mind that we'd only started with the alphabet the week before. Luckily, our end-of-period test was open book. However, when I looked up words in the dictionary during the test, she acted astonished, interrupted my test and demanded to know what I could possibly be looking up. After all, she exclaimed, she had taught us these words already!!
**Peter the Great spent a couple of months in this cabin in 1705 to supervise ship-building in Arkhangelsk. The cabin was eventually moved to and renovated in Moscow in 1935.
This certainly led to some interesting language encounters. I wanted to be friendly to our guards when entering the university and dorms, so said what I thought was “hello!” every morning. Only about a week and a half later did I realize that I was waving at them with a big smile, calling out “Thank you!!”
Fortunately, my Russian has progressed a bit since then.* Today, during a visit to Peter the Great's cabin in Moscow,** one of the other students and I had a delightfully goofy time practicing our new Russian vocabulary. (“Is that a purse?” “No, it's a dog!”) When we reached Peter the Great's log cabin, I decided to bust out some of my new vocabulary, “Eta dom. Eta malinki dom! Eta OCHIN malinki dom!!” (This is a house. This is a small house! This is a VERY small house!!) I was so proud of my little phrase until my friend noted that, perhaps, it might come off as a tad insulting to the Russians there. This was, after all, one of Peter the Great's cabins. Whoops!
--//--
*Alas, the first three weeks of language class were a bit of a bust, though it picked up considerably one we received a new teacher this week. Our first language teacher would cover huge amounts of unrelated material, so that it wasn't really possible to absorb it all in such a short time-frame. (One of the students said the material we'd seen in 2 weeks covered language grammar that she didn't look at for most of her first semester!) For instance, our professor “taught” us the various forms of “to go” – past, present, and future – all in the last 15 minutes of a class period one day. Please keep in mind that we'd only started with the alphabet the week before. Luckily, our end-of-period test was open book. However, when I looked up words in the dictionary during the test, she acted astonished, interrupted my test and demanded to know what I could possibly be looking up. After all, she exclaimed, she had taught us these words already!!
**Peter the Great spent a couple of months in this cabin in 1705 to supervise ship-building in Arkhangelsk. The cabin was eventually moved to and renovated in Moscow in 1935.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Six Brides in Ten Minutes
June is the month in Moscow to get married, apparently. While meandering inside GUM and around the Red Square, we came across a record six brides in ten minutes! Brides and grooms are driven all over the city – often in white stretch Hummer limos – to take photographs at Moscow's greatest sites. We noticed that even on their wedding day, Muscovites don't always look overly enthusiastic ...but that's not to say they're not very happy. I just can't tell how some of these folks feel. Let me explain...
I usually associate wedding parties with giant smiles and lots of laughter, but that did not seem to be the case at the wedding groups we came across. I thought, “but it's your wedding day!! How can one manage to not smile every moment?!?” However, it's also become quite clear that we sometimes express ourselves in very, very different ways from the Russians – and that it can be all too easy for us to misjudge their feelings and intentions.
Twice, a couple of guys from our program were enjoying beers at a bar and noticed that they were being watched. One time in particular, one of the fellows became quite nervous that the couple of guys looking over at them were going to start a fight outside the bar once they left. These Russian guys just looked so intimidating with their straight faces! Well, it turned out that the Russians were just curious; they'd heard our boys speaking English and really just wanted to chat with our guys!! We're just so perplexed by these people sometimes!
That said, these Muscovites will sometimes smile at (what we would consider) the quirkiest things. For instance, one beautiful day, I decided to take my little computer out to the front of the school to catch wi-fi and a few sun-rays. At any American university, you'd have students strewn all over the lawn with their laptops. Not here! Everyone who passed by either gave a surprised look, glare, laugh, smile or comment. A fellow in one group hollered, “Merry Christmas!” The best response, however, was from one of the typically stoic university guards. Not only did I get a comment** but also received a huge, toothy grin!! He just thought I was hilarious.
--//--
*GUM is a super-swanky mall just along the Red Square that is filled with designer shops. While seeking refuge from a surprise cloud-burst of rain, a friend and I were surprised to discover that – despite the fact that GUM is perhaps the swankiest mall in town – the shiny glass-covered ceiling leaks.
**I have no idea what he said, but perhaps it was along the lines of, “Haha! Oh, you silly American! Don't you know that you shouldn't take your laptop outside! It'll get stolen – and what a joke that would be! Ho, ho!”
I usually associate wedding parties with giant smiles and lots of laughter, but that did not seem to be the case at the wedding groups we came across. I thought, “but it's your wedding day!! How can one manage to not smile every moment?!?” However, it's also become quite clear that we sometimes express ourselves in very, very different ways from the Russians – and that it can be all too easy for us to misjudge their feelings and intentions.
Twice, a couple of guys from our program were enjoying beers at a bar and noticed that they were being watched. One time in particular, one of the fellows became quite nervous that the couple of guys looking over at them were going to start a fight outside the bar once they left. These Russian guys just looked so intimidating with their straight faces! Well, it turned out that the Russians were just curious; they'd heard our boys speaking English and really just wanted to chat with our guys!! We're just so perplexed by these people sometimes!
That said, these Muscovites will sometimes smile at (what we would consider) the quirkiest things. For instance, one beautiful day, I decided to take my little computer out to the front of the school to catch wi-fi and a few sun-rays. At any American university, you'd have students strewn all over the lawn with their laptops. Not here! Everyone who passed by either gave a surprised look, glare, laugh, smile or comment. A fellow in one group hollered, “Merry Christmas!” The best response, however, was from one of the typically stoic university guards. Not only did I get a comment** but also received a huge, toothy grin!! He just thought I was hilarious.
--//--
*GUM is a super-swanky mall just along the Red Square that is filled with designer shops. While seeking refuge from a surprise cloud-burst of rain, a friend and I were surprised to discover that – despite the fact that GUM is perhaps the swankiest mall in town – the shiny glass-covered ceiling leaks.
**I have no idea what he said, but perhaps it was along the lines of, “Haha! Oh, you silly American! Don't you know that you shouldn't take your laptop outside! It'll get stolen – and what a joke that would be! Ho, ho!”
Lenin would be turning in his grave if he knew....
Who would have thought thirty years ago that Russia would host an extreme motorcycle performance – with foreign sponsors like XBOX & Toyota – on the Red Square, not thirty feet from Lenin's mausoleum? A few folks from my program & I enjoyed a crazy show celebrating the beginning of a major Moscow-Sochi road trip. The sponsors went all out for this event: they had motorcycles doing flips in the air, camels parading around, and a whole live show with dancers (including a bunch of hefty Russian men doing an MIB-type song and dance). Even the organizer of the 2014 Sochi Olympics made a showing. Throughout all the celebrations, Lenin was carefully guarded by extra fencing and guards stationed every 10 feet
At this event, I became acquainted with a writer who's a friend-of-a-friend. This fellow is spending a month in Moscow to conduct research for a novel he's writing, and has been interviewing anyone and everyone he can about the country. Thanks to this research, he's met quite a few interesting folks, including an incredibly business-savvy 21-year-old entrepreneur. This entrepreneur started business at age 15, when he purchased three little telephone kiosks in another town. At the time, he needed to give “only” 30% of his profits (or revenue, it's unclear) to the local mafia boss (“affectionately” called thief-in-law). “30%?” he thought, “Great! That's totally reasonable!”
Well, this thief-in-law was eventually deposed and replace by another who charged 80%. Suddenly, business was no longer profitable. This young entrepreneur did the only thing he could: he left town and set up shop in Moscow.* Today, he heads quite a profitable business in Moscow that has grown far beyond those three original telephone kiosks. My new writer friend didn't comment on the kickback structure here in Moscow, so I still don't know. Once I do, I'll let you know and maybe we can see about setting up shop here. Deal?
--//--
*Side note about Moscow's seedier side: Business isn't the only thing this young fellow found difficult; after a while, he began to complain about his girlfriend, who apparently sleeps around regularly. For anyone who's been in Moscow for a while, I feel like this shouldn't be too big of a surprise. The city is full of anorexic Barbie-like young women, all dolled up in booty dresses and six-inch heels – on a normal day. It's not uncommon to see one of these women hanging on a clearly wealthy, and rather unattractive, man. I'd like to think that these women may be attracted to the man's humor, and he to her personality, but many times evidence suggests otherwise. Anyway, when each partner in these kinds of relationships clearly wants something other than their partner – whether it be sex or money – it's no surprise that infidelity might be a problem.
At this event, I became acquainted with a writer who's a friend-of-a-friend. This fellow is spending a month in Moscow to conduct research for a novel he's writing, and has been interviewing anyone and everyone he can about the country. Thanks to this research, he's met quite a few interesting folks, including an incredibly business-savvy 21-year-old entrepreneur. This entrepreneur started business at age 15, when he purchased three little telephone kiosks in another town. At the time, he needed to give “only” 30% of his profits (or revenue, it's unclear) to the local mafia boss (“affectionately” called thief-in-law). “30%?” he thought, “Great! That's totally reasonable!”
Well, this thief-in-law was eventually deposed and replace by another who charged 80%. Suddenly, business was no longer profitable. This young entrepreneur did the only thing he could: he left town and set up shop in Moscow.* Today, he heads quite a profitable business in Moscow that has grown far beyond those three original telephone kiosks. My new writer friend didn't comment on the kickback structure here in Moscow, so I still don't know. Once I do, I'll let you know and maybe we can see about setting up shop here. Deal?
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*Side note about Moscow's seedier side: Business isn't the only thing this young fellow found difficult; after a while, he began to complain about his girlfriend, who apparently sleeps around regularly. For anyone who's been in Moscow for a while, I feel like this shouldn't be too big of a surprise. The city is full of anorexic Barbie-like young women, all dolled up in booty dresses and six-inch heels – on a normal day. It's not uncommon to see one of these women hanging on a clearly wealthy, and rather unattractive, man. I'd like to think that these women may be attracted to the man's humor, and he to her personality, but many times evidence suggests otherwise. Anyway, when each partner in these kinds of relationships clearly wants something other than their partner – whether it be sex or money – it's no surprise that infidelity might be a problem.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
If you're traveling to Russia, you'd better start out with a healthy metabolism
Russia, Belorussian, Georgian, and Central Asian delicacies all at my fingertips! And only the very best! One of our fellow students, a former Peace Corps volunteer, ordered in Kyrgyz; another wonderful woman in the program ordered a Georgian feast for all of us, and her Georgian was better than the waiter's! If not for all the walking, these meals would have added quite a few pounds to my waistline – although they have certainly succeeded in lightening my wallet.
Harry Potter Staircases
Aside from being hunted by Voldemort, I always assumed that attending school in a building with shifting staircases would be the most annoying aspect of living in a Harry Potter world. And you know what? After going to school in Moscow, I'm pretty sure I was right.
I attend school here in a concrete Harry Potter “castle.” My fellow students & I must first travel up staircases to reach classes on lower levels, takes circuitous routes to reach any end location and – the routes change!! Yes! There really are “shifting” staircases!
Thanks to summer tests, whole hallways for the school are blocked off. I'll realize with pride that I've finally reached the side of the school with the cafeteria, then – wham! A whole hall is blocked off & I have to seek an alternate route. We're also pretty sure that these blocked off staircases change regularly with the test schedule. (However, the school layout is naturally so convoluted, it's a little hard to tell.)
Actually, come to think of it, Voldemort might be less obnoxious than the staircases. At least he's predictable.
I attend school here in a concrete Harry Potter “castle.” My fellow students & I must first travel up staircases to reach classes on lower levels, takes circuitous routes to reach any end location and – the routes change!! Yes! There really are “shifting” staircases!
Thanks to summer tests, whole hallways for the school are blocked off. I'll realize with pride that I've finally reached the side of the school with the cafeteria, then – wham! A whole hall is blocked off & I have to seek an alternate route. We're also pretty sure that these blocked off staircases change regularly with the test schedule. (However, the school layout is naturally so convoluted, it's a little hard to tell.)
Actually, come to think of it, Voldemort might be less obnoxious than the staircases. At least he's predictable.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Short Skirts, Soccer Games, and SUVs
Every city is full of its surprises, some more enjoyable than others. Moscow is no different. Last week was filled with little cultural surprises, a few of which I'll share here:
SUVs: Our school dorms are located about a 15-20 minute walk away from the closest metro, along a six-lane road that is constantly clogged with traffic. Yesterday as we walked to dinner, suddenly one of my fellow students looked over his shoulder and quickly shooed the rest of us towards the grassy park along the broad sidewalk. In order to avoid rush-hour traffic, an SUV had hopped the curb and over a small grassy median – and was now driving ON THE PEDESTRIAN SIDEWALK. During that short walk, we saw one other SUV and two motorcycles follow suit. After the first few days of witnessing the Muscovite drivers, I had only begun to just worry about crossing the streets here! Now I have to start looking over my shoulder as I'm walking on the sidewalk too??
Soccer Games: If you successfully navigate the Moscow traffic and manage to arrive at the soccer stadium alive, you can breathe a sigh of relief. Because I'm pretty sure that nowhere in Moscow – including inside the Kremlin – is as secure as an average soccer game. A few of our guys wanted to watch one of Moscow's teams and were rather shocked by the security measures in place. Lining the entrance to the stadium were dozens of guards, lined shoulder to shoulder, conducting body and bag searches as people arrived; the guards also stayed around as people filed out of the stadium after the game to keep order. (Hm, it seems that that Russia's soccer fans may have a reputation for being a bit rowdy...) One of our fellows was padded down five times on his way in. Sadly, I was not at the soccer game myself as I generally make a point of avoiding sports events. However, this information comes from a highly trusted source. (Mainly, I'm pretty sure the guy who told me couldn't tell a lie straight-faced if his life depended on it.) Also, another Russian indicated that heavy security is pretty standard fare for soccer games. Travel tip for the day: Guys, if you don't want to have your body padded or crotch grabbed by a Russian security guard, might I suggest skipping the sports tournaments?
Short Skirts: Trivia Question of the Day: Six-inch heels, barely booty-covering skirt, and drop-back neckline down to the waist. Is this an appropriate outfit for a) going to a night club, b) going to your graduation ceremony with mom, dad & your little babushka, or c) going for a jaunt around town with your friends? I'll give you a hint – it's a trick question! The answer?? ... All of the above!! It's true, Moscow is full of young stick-thin Muscovite females, all wearing very little around town, but towering high in their stylish stilettos. I still have yet to discover how they manage to run all around in these stilts. I've also become abnormally self-conscious about what I had previously assumed was a healthy level of fat on my calves.
SUVs: Our school dorms are located about a 15-20 minute walk away from the closest metro, along a six-lane road that is constantly clogged with traffic. Yesterday as we walked to dinner, suddenly one of my fellow students looked over his shoulder and quickly shooed the rest of us towards the grassy park along the broad sidewalk. In order to avoid rush-hour traffic, an SUV had hopped the curb and over a small grassy median – and was now driving ON THE PEDESTRIAN SIDEWALK. During that short walk, we saw one other SUV and two motorcycles follow suit. After the first few days of witnessing the Muscovite drivers, I had only begun to just worry about crossing the streets here! Now I have to start looking over my shoulder as I'm walking on the sidewalk too??
Soccer Games: If you successfully navigate the Moscow traffic and manage to arrive at the soccer stadium alive, you can breathe a sigh of relief. Because I'm pretty sure that nowhere in Moscow – including inside the Kremlin – is as secure as an average soccer game. A few of our guys wanted to watch one of Moscow's teams and were rather shocked by the security measures in place. Lining the entrance to the stadium were dozens of guards, lined shoulder to shoulder, conducting body and bag searches as people arrived; the guards also stayed around as people filed out of the stadium after the game to keep order. (Hm, it seems that that Russia's soccer fans may have a reputation for being a bit rowdy...) One of our fellows was padded down five times on his way in. Sadly, I was not at the soccer game myself as I generally make a point of avoiding sports events. However, this information comes from a highly trusted source. (Mainly, I'm pretty sure the guy who told me couldn't tell a lie straight-faced if his life depended on it.) Also, another Russian indicated that heavy security is pretty standard fare for soccer games. Travel tip for the day: Guys, if you don't want to have your body padded or crotch grabbed by a Russian security guard, might I suggest skipping the sports tournaments?
Short Skirts: Trivia Question of the Day: Six-inch heels, barely booty-covering skirt, and drop-back neckline down to the waist. Is this an appropriate outfit for a) going to a night club, b) going to your graduation ceremony with mom, dad & your little babushka, or c) going for a jaunt around town with your friends? I'll give you a hint – it's a trick question! The answer?? ... All of the above!! It's true, Moscow is full of young stick-thin Muscovite females, all wearing very little around town, but towering high in their stylish stilettos. I still have yet to discover how they manage to run all around in these stilts. I've also become abnormally self-conscious about what I had previously assumed was a healthy level of fat on my calves.
History from a Russian Perspective. Wow.
I'd heard the “Russian perspective” on various controversial issues, but primarily in academic circles. I really didn't have contact with Russians who would promote a hardline stance on many issues, or any Russians with a supremely Cold War outlook. It's one thing to read a belief from a book or article; I've decided its quite another to hear some of those views coming out of the mouth of your professor.
One of our professors here in Moscow is clearly a product of the Cold War. He's made more than a few comments that just boggle the mind. I'll include just a few of the examples below, with some footnotes for a bit of a backgrounder.
- In a discussion of the jury system, the Professor pointed out the trials of Khordokovsky* and Politkovskya's alleged killers as examples of how the trial system has improved. He explained that all of these trials were done by an “objective” trial-by-jury, rather than just a juror, and so had been completely fair. (It would have been hard to select more controversial high-profile Russian trials ... they certainly aren't the shining examples of the legal system that I would use!)
- The professor went on a long discussion of how the USSR was really “not an aggressive power” and didn't mind non-communist states around it, or commie states that didn't follow the USSR exactly. He decided to use Tito as an example here, asserting that “Stalin didn't mind Tito” (In reality, Tito had a rather nasty split with Stalin, reportedly eventually sending the following letter: “Stop sending people to kill me! We've already captured five of them, one with a bomb and another with a rifle... If you don't stop sending killers, I'll send a very fast working one to Moscow and I won't have to send another.”)
- In response to the professor's assertion that the USSR really did not mind Soviet-sphere countries marking their own path somewhat independently of Soviet aims, one student brought up the Soviet response to the Prague Spring as a counter-example.** In answering the student's question, the professor merely said that the Soviet response was really “not that bad” -- after all, the response to changes in Hungary had been worse!
- The professor also touched upon energy issues. As you know, Russia has been considered an increasingly unreliable energy resource supplier as the country shut off pipeline supplies to Europe numerous times during 2000s, often seemingly for political reasons.*** It is true that Ukraine & Belarus have paid significantly less than Western European nations for their energy supplies from Russia – and probably should be paying market prices – but that doesn't mean Russia's sole concerns were economic. When one student pressed him a bit more on the issue, he did concede that some political factors may have been at work as well.
At times it seems as if we're simply being fed propaganda, even if that is not his intention. To a certain extent, I do believe he tries to view issues with a fresh set of eyes, but I imagine that might be difficult for someone who's been teaching in the USSR/Russia since the 1970s. After all, he witnessed the fall of the entire system that he grew up in and supported – as the historic Big Enemy to the West became the world's sole great power with that collapse. It seems that he (and likely others) feels a need to justify Russia's actions – both today and in the past. When he can't, he'll simply refuse to straightforwardly address some concerns head-on.
Our professor speaks again and again of how the US invasion of Iraq went against international law and was simply wrong. (He actually lumps the recent intervention into Libya in this category as well, but that's another matter.) Listen – I do not support Iraq!! And I never voted for Bush! Heck, by now, most of America does not support our involvement there. But at least we're willing to own our mistakes, debate about it openly, and try and improve the future. A lack of willingness to do so would only serve to further disintegrate trust. What our dear professor does not seem to understand is that you can't move forward if you're focused on denying the past.
Background Notes:
*Here's a bit of a backgrounder on the Khodorkovsky case: Former oligarch Mikhail Khodorkovsky, the founder and primary shareholder of oil firm Yukos, was once reportedly the richest man in Russia . It seems that he wrongly assumed his influence would give him immunity and therefore felt secure in making plans that ran counter to the Kremlin’s interests. Bad call on his part. In 2003, FSB agents stormed his private jet and arrested the oligarch on charges of tax evasion. (I'd consider this an atypical way of handling white collar crime.) The Russian state charged Yukos with absurdly high levels of taxes, impossibly the actual amount owed. The amount the Russian government required for 2003 taxes came to 111% of the firm’s entire revenue that year. By comparison, Gazprom paid less than 15% of its revenue to the state. After years of trials, Khodorkovsky remains in jail while the pieces of Yukos were sold off one-by-one; almost all were sold either directly or indirectly to government-controlled Rosneft and Gazprom.
Somewhat ironically considering the charges, Khodorkovsky had begun changing the firm’s business habits for the better around 1998. Yukos reportedly began modernizing its equipment, involving independent directors, and cleaning its accounts. By 2000, the firm paid $1.9 billion worth of taxes, which was more than the entire firm had been worth when it was privatized five years previously. That isn't to say Khordorkovsky is squeaky clean – after all, you don't become an oligarch in Russia by playing nice. But it does mean that perhaps professors speaking to Western audiences may not want to use this case as a shining example of the Russian legal system. (If you're interested in more details, check out The New Cold War by Edward Lucas, where all these other details here are coming from too.)
**Czech leader Dubcek introduced a program of “socialism with a human” face into Czechoslovakia in the 1960s, during which he limited censorship and introduced the democratization of the country's Communist Party. It's important to note that he was never anti-Soviet; he just wanted changes within the current system. However, in response, the USSR sent troops in 1968 to occupy the country and change the government.
***The “Orange Revolution” brought pro-Western Viktor Yushchenko to power in 2005 over Russian-backed Viktor Yanukovych. Following Yushchenko’s inauguration as president, Gazprom began demanding a more than fourfold increase in the price of natural gas supplies to Ukraine. When Ukraine refused to pay up, Russia shut off the supply of natural gas to Ukraine and, by extension, Western Europe. Russia would repeat this scene again in 2008 following a bold letter by the government affirming Ukraine’s desire to embark upon NATO’s Membership Action Plan. As mentioned, Russia did also have genuine economic considerations. Thanks to a price system left over from the Cold War era, Ukrainian consumers were only paying 10-40% of international natural gas prices. At the same time, Gazprom was asking for $418 per 1,000 cubic meters – a price higher than that paid even by Germany, Gazprom’s largest consumer. (Stats Source: Europe’s Very Cold War: Russia Cuts Gas to Ukraine by Kylie Atwell)
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Everything is Big in Texas; Everything in Moscow might be Bigger
Enormous. If you asked me to describe Moscow in one word, that would be it: enormous. Not because of the area size (which is somewhat smaller than NYC, according to Wiki stats) or the number of people living here (around 12 million or so) but because of the buildings.
The city is filled with giant, towering structures peppered throughout the city, quite a few left over from Stalin's era. Even coming from DC – where the size of the memorials and museums still sometimes leave me in awe – I was first struck by the incredible size of the structures here. I don't mean to say that all of Moscow's buildings tower high over the pedestrians. (For instance, in New York, I sometimes feel as if I'm wandering through a maze of skyscrapers; this isn't the case here.) Rather, the most gigantic structures are interspersed among smaller buildings, the wild web of Moscow roads, and the city's many green parks.
Moscow is surprisingly green – one of our tour guides said that parks make up nearly a third of the city's space. (Hopefully I didn't hear her incorrectly, but there are so many beautiful parks around, I easily believe it!) Between the greenery, elaborately-designed buildings, and onion-domed churches, the city is a joy to walk around. Even if your final destination is relatively unremarkable, you're still almost guaranteed to enjoy the journey.
On one of our first days in the city, a group of us students decided to explore a specific pedestrian zone and sculpture garden that were recommended by a guidebook. Surprisingly, both turned out to be generally unimpressive. (The sculpture garden was particularly odd; it was a giant, unkempt plot of land filled with overgrown grass, outdated Soviet statues, and – perhaps most oddly – outdoor hanging disco balls. Very strange. So I took my picture between Soviet-era concrete busts of Stalin & Lenin.) However, the walk to these locations was incredible. We meandered through the Red Square, popped into St. Basil's cathedral, awed at the Kremlin from a bridge over the Moskva River, and gawked at a gargantuan statue of Peter the Great. (I have no idea how many stories high this statue is. The thing is massive.)
So really, it didn't matter that our final destination – the sculpture garden – seemed to be the quirky brainchild of some doped-up nostalgic Soviet Comrad; the evening was still incredible!
The city is filled with giant, towering structures peppered throughout the city, quite a few left over from Stalin's era. Even coming from DC – where the size of the memorials and museums still sometimes leave me in awe – I was first struck by the incredible size of the structures here. I don't mean to say that all of Moscow's buildings tower high over the pedestrians. (For instance, in New York, I sometimes feel as if I'm wandering through a maze of skyscrapers; this isn't the case here.) Rather, the most gigantic structures are interspersed among smaller buildings, the wild web of Moscow roads, and the city's many green parks.
Moscow is surprisingly green – one of our tour guides said that parks make up nearly a third of the city's space. (Hopefully I didn't hear her incorrectly, but there are so many beautiful parks around, I easily believe it!) Between the greenery, elaborately-designed buildings, and onion-domed churches, the city is a joy to walk around. Even if your final destination is relatively unremarkable, you're still almost guaranteed to enjoy the journey.
On one of our first days in the city, a group of us students decided to explore a specific pedestrian zone and sculpture garden that were recommended by a guidebook. Surprisingly, both turned out to be generally unimpressive. (The sculpture garden was particularly odd; it was a giant, unkempt plot of land filled with overgrown grass, outdated Soviet statues, and – perhaps most oddly – outdoor hanging disco balls. Very strange. So I took my picture between Soviet-era concrete busts of Stalin & Lenin.) However, the walk to these locations was incredible. We meandered through the Red Square, popped into St. Basil's cathedral, awed at the Kremlin from a bridge over the Moskva River, and gawked at a gargantuan statue of Peter the Great. (I have no idea how many stories high this statue is. The thing is massive.)
So really, it didn't matter that our final destination – the sculpture garden – seemed to be the quirky brainchild of some doped-up nostalgic Soviet Comrad; the evening was still incredible!
Monday, June 20, 2011
A Delightful Detour
A couple of months ago, a friend's long-term boyfriend shot me an email; he'd heard that I would be crossing the Atlantic and wondered if I could make a stop-over in Copenhagen to surprise my friend who would be moving there. So, one week ago, I landed in the Copenhagen airport and stepped into the Arrivals section to meet up with Thomas and a very happy – and rather shocked – Sara. Thomas had proposed to her only two days previously in Tallinn, Estonia, and I was thrilled to be part of the ongoing surprises he had in store for her!
The first day is all a bit of a blur. (I did arrive around 3:00 am EST or some such time, after all.) We had quite the frivolous brunch upon my arrival in Copenhagen, and then went straight to the harbor for a boat-tour of the city. I'm sure the boat tour was all lovely, but truthfully I remember very little as I was half-asleep through a hefty portion of it! I do remember dozens of tourists crowded around a small statue of the little mermaid, however...
Anyway, I've spent the past week enjoying Danish hospitality, food, history and – most of all – the company of these wonderful friends. We've spent most nights out at his family's home in the countryside, filling ourselves up on home-cooked multi-course meals (with veggies fresh from the neighbor's farm!) and talking late into the evening on a terraced patio, watching the sun set at 11:00. But of course, a trip to Denmark wouldn't be complete without a bit of sight-seeing too. There's too much to tell, but I'll try and get in some entertaining stories in the following posts. Enjoy!
The first day is all a bit of a blur. (I did arrive around 3:00 am EST or some such time, after all.) We had quite the frivolous brunch upon my arrival in Copenhagen, and then went straight to the harbor for a boat-tour of the city. I'm sure the boat tour was all lovely, but truthfully I remember very little as I was half-asleep through a hefty portion of it! I do remember dozens of tourists crowded around a small statue of the little mermaid, however...
Anyway, I've spent the past week enjoying Danish hospitality, food, history and – most of all – the company of these wonderful friends. We've spent most nights out at his family's home in the countryside, filling ourselves up on home-cooked multi-course meals (with veggies fresh from the neighbor's farm!) and talking late into the evening on a terraced patio, watching the sun set at 11:00. But of course, a trip to Denmark wouldn't be complete without a bit of sight-seeing too. There's too much to tell, but I'll try and get in some entertaining stories in the following posts. Enjoy!
Hamlet's Castle & a King turned Pirate
Erin, my lovely roommate from oh-so-long-ago, is currently in Brussels interning for NATO (pretty cool, huh?) and decided pop over to Copenhagen for the weekend. (We seem to be quite the little globe-trotters over here!) Our major goal for the weekend: visit Hamlet's castle in Helsingor/Elsinore, a sleepy little town about a 45 minute train ride from the capital. The castle is actually called Kronborg, but it's also supposedly the castle described in Shakespeare's Hamlet.
The castle boasts really quite an intriguing history, and played a rather significant role in solidifying Danish regional power back in the day. (Denmark as a major power – who knew?) Denmark was able to really increase its wealth and power in the late 1300s/early 1400s once it gained control over the maritime traffic coming from the Baltic Sea. (I'd like to just also mention that it was a woman, Danish Queen Maragaret, who united Denmark, Sweden, and Norway thereby allowing later kings to enjoy the spoils.) As proud as I am of dear Queen M, it's Erik of Pomerania who really won me over. For one, he rather impressively managed to increase Denmark's power and clout in the region thanks to a tax levied on every ship that sailed their waters. Even more incredibly when King Erik was eventually forced to abdicate – instead of ending up decapitated like so many other sovereigns in history – he went into the pirating business! (Not that I support pirating, but you've got to give credit to the guy for being so darn creative!)
Oddly, it seems as if pirating wasn't seen as a completely ignoble profession, either. Apparently, you could obtain royal permission to become a pirate and sack ships – just so long as you didn't sack ships flying the flag of your patron country or their allies. For a realist world focused on expansion and glory from war, this must have seemed like a rather cost effective means of poking at adversaries. So you'd like to invade and claim your neighbor's territory? ...Why not find yourself a maritime guerrilla mercenary to cause problems for them too??
Another character who intrigued me was King Frederick (insert Roman numeral of your choice here. I can't remember the number, and doubt you would either!). The man decided he that he needed more support for the crown, that a little propaganda was in order. To show everyone the power of the crown, he ordered the creation of 43 tapestries depicting Danish kings in all their glory. Clearly, the world had not yet refined the art of lying to the public yet because a) 43 tapestries likely weren't going to do much other than ensure that the castle stayed a little warmer in the winters, and b) almost all tapestries failed to be overly praising and some were not even remotely flattering.** For example, one tapestry included a poem of a king that brought the country to financial ruin; another showed a snake slithering past the king's image – reminding the observer that this king had gained the throne by killing his relative. Let's just say these men weren't exactly the “poster children” for kingship. All in all, Hamlet's castle and its history were completely delightful, albeit somewhat confusing at times.
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*At that time, Denmark also held control of what is today's Sweden. Take a look at a map; any ship traveling from or to the Baltic Sea couldn't avoid passing through Danish waters. To keep other countries and shipping companies from getting too fussy about this arrangement, Denmark also eventually put up light houses along the route to help ships on their way.
**I really hope all you readers realize that a lot of this post is tongue-and-cheek. I know I've been in Russia a full 10 hours now, but no, I have not suddenly become a classic realist bent on expansion and a proponent of political propaganda to quiet local dissent.
The castle boasts really quite an intriguing history, and played a rather significant role in solidifying Danish regional power back in the day. (Denmark as a major power – who knew?) Denmark was able to really increase its wealth and power in the late 1300s/early 1400s once it gained control over the maritime traffic coming from the Baltic Sea. (I'd like to just also mention that it was a woman, Danish Queen Maragaret, who united Denmark, Sweden, and Norway thereby allowing later kings to enjoy the spoils.) As proud as I am of dear Queen M, it's Erik of Pomerania who really won me over. For one, he rather impressively managed to increase Denmark's power and clout in the region thanks to a tax levied on every ship that sailed their waters. Even more incredibly when King Erik was eventually forced to abdicate – instead of ending up decapitated like so many other sovereigns in history – he went into the pirating business! (Not that I support pirating, but you've got to give credit to the guy for being so darn creative!)
Oddly, it seems as if pirating wasn't seen as a completely ignoble profession, either. Apparently, you could obtain royal permission to become a pirate and sack ships – just so long as you didn't sack ships flying the flag of your patron country or their allies. For a realist world focused on expansion and glory from war, this must have seemed like a rather cost effective means of poking at adversaries. So you'd like to invade and claim your neighbor's territory? ...Why not find yourself a maritime guerrilla mercenary to cause problems for them too??
Another character who intrigued me was King Frederick (insert Roman numeral of your choice here. I can't remember the number, and doubt you would either!). The man decided he that he needed more support for the crown, that a little propaganda was in order. To show everyone the power of the crown, he ordered the creation of 43 tapestries depicting Danish kings in all their glory. Clearly, the world had not yet refined the art of lying to the public yet because a) 43 tapestries likely weren't going to do much other than ensure that the castle stayed a little warmer in the winters, and b) almost all tapestries failed to be overly praising and some were not even remotely flattering.** For example, one tapestry included a poem of a king that brought the country to financial ruin; another showed a snake slithering past the king's image – reminding the observer that this king had gained the throne by killing his relative. Let's just say these men weren't exactly the “poster children” for kingship. All in all, Hamlet's castle and its history were completely delightful, albeit somewhat confusing at times.
--
*At that time, Denmark also held control of what is today's Sweden. Take a look at a map; any ship traveling from or to the Baltic Sea couldn't avoid passing through Danish waters. To keep other countries and shipping companies from getting too fussy about this arrangement, Denmark also eventually put up light houses along the route to help ships on their way.
**I really hope all you readers realize that a lot of this post is tongue-and-cheek. I know I've been in Russia a full 10 hours now, but no, I have not suddenly become a classic realist bent on expansion and a proponent of political propaganda to quiet local dissent.
Hans Christian Andersen's House
Remember the little mermaid? Remember how she left her family at the age of 16 to woo a prince? And then married him? Well, it's all false! She turns into a Daughter of the Air or some such business the day after he marries another. Disney, how many other lies have you told us? Is there nothing we can trust?
Anyway, the fellow who wrote the original captivating tale of the Little Mermaid was Hans Christian Andersen, a poor little Danish boy who grew up to be the world renowned writer we all know. He was noted for his rather awkward figure – tall and lanky with a giant nose and other prominent features – but also his incredible spirit, charm, and way with children. It's rather telling that the inspiration for the tale of the Ugly Duckling was actually from his own life. The man was wildly creative and adored traveling; in fact, he traveled so much that no one place was truly home. He often stayed with friends, popping from city to city, and never had a family of his own despite his love for children and a desire for marriage.
I say all this because we were able to visit his childhood home! It's been completely renovated, and is quite charming to walk through today. (I imagine the impoverished family wasn't able to keep it wasn't half as nice then as it is now.) It was just a delight to learn more about the man behind so many childhood tales that have made their way into homes and hearts throughout the world.
With their boundless creativity, love for life and heart for children, I imagine that had HC Andersen and Walt Disney lived at the same time, they would have been good friends – yes, even despite the Disney company's creative license with the Little Mermaid. ;-)
Anyway, the fellow who wrote the original captivating tale of the Little Mermaid was Hans Christian Andersen, a poor little Danish boy who grew up to be the world renowned writer we all know. He was noted for his rather awkward figure – tall and lanky with a giant nose and other prominent features – but also his incredible spirit, charm, and way with children. It's rather telling that the inspiration for the tale of the Ugly Duckling was actually from his own life. The man was wildly creative and adored traveling; in fact, he traveled so much that no one place was truly home. He often stayed with friends, popping from city to city, and never had a family of his own despite his love for children and a desire for marriage.
I say all this because we were able to visit his childhood home! It's been completely renovated, and is quite charming to walk through today. (I imagine the impoverished family wasn't able to keep it wasn't half as nice then as it is now.) It was just a delight to learn more about the man behind so many childhood tales that have made their way into homes and hearts throughout the world.
With their boundless creativity, love for life and heart for children, I imagine that had HC Andersen and Walt Disney lived at the same time, they would have been good friends – yes, even despite the Disney company's creative license with the Little Mermaid. ;-)
Wedding Bells!
It's unstoppable. It's unpredictable. It's usually pink.
It's that force that pushes us to paint our toenails even when we're running late. It's why we squeal when we're surprised by a friend or see a little puppy. It's what makes us tear up at cheesy chick flicks and want to describe every detail of our date to our closest friends. It's the reason we buy purses to match all of our outfits and cute pumps that are too painful to actually wear dancing.
It's that force that brings out our girly side. And it has hold of me.
I'm in a completely new country with wonderful historical sites to see. I love to travel! I love to experience cultures! And I'm loving Denmark! But try as I may, try as I might, I can't help it – the girl has come out, and I really just want to spend hours helping Sara with wedding plans.
Fortunately, Sara wanted to wedding-plan, too. :-) After spending a morning meandering around the Rosenborg castle grounds (yes! a castle!), Sara and I found it: a bridal shop. I was so excited that I forgot my manners and went bounding in, ahead of the bride-to-be. The store manager later informed us that I looked so enthusiastic (speed?) walking into the shop, that she had naturally assumed that I was the bride!
I'd love to tell you the details of our favorite dress, I really would. But I can't; that's Top Secret Information, given out only on a need-to-know basis. Otherwise the groom might find out. Shhhh....
It's that force that pushes us to paint our toenails even when we're running late. It's why we squeal when we're surprised by a friend or see a little puppy. It's what makes us tear up at cheesy chick flicks and want to describe every detail of our date to our closest friends. It's the reason we buy purses to match all of our outfits and cute pumps that are too painful to actually wear dancing.
It's that force that brings out our girly side. And it has hold of me.
I'm in a completely new country with wonderful historical sites to see. I love to travel! I love to experience cultures! And I'm loving Denmark! But try as I may, try as I might, I can't help it – the girl has come out, and I really just want to spend hours helping Sara with wedding plans.
Fortunately, Sara wanted to wedding-plan, too. :-) After spending a morning meandering around the Rosenborg castle grounds (yes! a castle!), Sara and I found it: a bridal shop. I was so excited that I forgot my manners and went bounding in, ahead of the bride-to-be. The store manager later informed us that I looked so enthusiastic (speed?) walking into the shop, that she had naturally assumed that I was the bride!
I'd love to tell you the details of our favorite dress, I really would. But I can't; that's Top Secret Information, given out only on a need-to-know basis. Otherwise the groom might find out. Shhhh....
Let's Play a Game
Let's play the “I paid more for Starbucks than you” game. London? Paris? Moscow? I've bet you've got nothing on little ole Copenhagen. Give me your best shot.
Copenhagen Airport Starbucks medium latte: $9. (Just as much as the little prepackaged sandwich that I bought with it.) And you might think, “but oh! These are airport prices!” Well, it's a small price to pay above the normal $6-$7 you'll spend per cup for tragically all-too-often inedible coffee most elsewhere. (Yes, as wonderful and brilliant as Danish food is, it's surprisingly difficult to find a decent cup o' Joe. My advice: stick to home-brew and higher-end coffee chains, like Starbucks and European Baresso.)
You'd never expect it, right? If that's how much a cup of coffee is worth, just imagine how much everything else costs! I suppose they're not going to advertise the country as Denmark: Land of Unreasonable Prices but you'd think there would be travelers tales.... tales of people selling off rings, watches, jewelry, loved ones, etc, all to gain safe passage back to a Land of Affordability.
That said, I'd like to send out a HUGE shout out and major THANK YOU to the wonderful folks who hosted and home-fed me throughout the week. Thank you, wonderful Thomasen family! (And I feel that includes you, too, Sara!) And thank you Andreas! Without such incredible hosts, this trip would never have been possible! (Honestly.)
Copenhagen Airport Starbucks medium latte: $9. (Just as much as the little prepackaged sandwich that I bought with it.) And you might think, “but oh! These are airport prices!” Well, it's a small price to pay above the normal $6-$7 you'll spend per cup for tragically all-too-often inedible coffee most elsewhere. (Yes, as wonderful and brilliant as Danish food is, it's surprisingly difficult to find a decent cup o' Joe. My advice: stick to home-brew and higher-end coffee chains, like Starbucks and European Baresso.)
You'd never expect it, right? If that's how much a cup of coffee is worth, just imagine how much everything else costs! I suppose they're not going to advertise the country as Denmark: Land of Unreasonable Prices but you'd think there would be travelers tales.... tales of people selling off rings, watches, jewelry, loved ones, etc, all to gain safe passage back to a Land of Affordability.
That said, I'd like to send out a HUGE shout out and major THANK YOU to the wonderful folks who hosted and home-fed me throughout the week. Thank you, wonderful Thomasen family! (And I feel that includes you, too, Sara!) And thank you Andreas! Without such incredible hosts, this trip would never have been possible! (Honestly.)
Texans & Danes: just alike, Really!
Proud and friendly, that's how I describe most Texans. And most Danes, apparently. Thomas's father's birthday fell on the Friday before I left. Following a long-standing Danish tradition, Thomas, Sara & I managed to roll out of bed early in the morning to wake him up with a loud birthday song and a waving Danish flag. I was surprised to hear that the Danish flag makes an appearance at all birthdays, and is commonly on the wrapping paper, cards, etc. Actually, considering how proud we Texans are of our heritage, I'm not sure why we don't have a similar tradition. To be fair, we've come up with a lot to showcase our pride — why, we even have waffle-makers in the shape of Texas! — but we may be a tad behind the curve here. Clearly, the question we should be asking ourselves is, why aren't we flying the Texas flag for birthdays?? Hmm...I bet if I started it up, it'd catch on...
Secondly, Danish folk are incredibly friendly, helpful & hospitable. Texans treat others similarly, at least so long as you're not a Democrat. Anyway, the Danish people are so sweet that you simply can't get mad. Ever. Let's use the Danish prices as an example here. I was incredibly surprised to find that everything in Copenhagen is absurdly pricey.
As I mentioned before, Denmark is unbelievably expensive. Alternate universe type of expensive. You'll go to a regular little restaurant, and spend $26 dollars on an average burger and fries – plus another $4 for water with a lemon in it. You want to be frustrated. You want to say to the waiter indignantly, “Hey, why did you charge me the dinner instead of lunch price? And does this water have gold flecks floating around in it? Cuz I'm pretty sure I ordered regular tap water.”
But then... the waiter smiles so sweetly, and asks if he can help direct you anywhere in the city, and you have a little epiphany. It's not their fault that the exchange rate is so unfavorable or, really, that the prices don't match with just about anywhere else in the world. And it was 3:00 anyway, so maybe dinner prices are appropriate for this hour and perhaps that was Evian water. Plus, these people clearly live in “Alternate Price Universe.” They can't help it! So you say thank you with your biggest smile, and pray that you'll be able to afford the next 24 hours in the country without having to barter off your left arm or first-born child.
--
Note: Texans are also similarly in an alternate-price universe, but where everything is cheap. My roommate Debbie is moving to Waco, where the cost of living there is reportedly around 20-something percent less than the national average. This may also be due to the fact that no one actually wants to move to Waco.
Secondly, Danish folk are incredibly friendly, helpful & hospitable. Texans treat others similarly, at least so long as you're not a Democrat. Anyway, the Danish people are so sweet that you simply can't get mad. Ever. Let's use the Danish prices as an example here. I was incredibly surprised to find that everything in Copenhagen is absurdly pricey.
As I mentioned before, Denmark is unbelievably expensive. Alternate universe type of expensive. You'll go to a regular little restaurant, and spend $26 dollars on an average burger and fries – plus another $4 for water with a lemon in it. You want to be frustrated. You want to say to the waiter indignantly, “Hey, why did you charge me the dinner instead of lunch price? And does this water have gold flecks floating around in it? Cuz I'm pretty sure I ordered regular tap water.”
But then... the waiter smiles so sweetly, and asks if he can help direct you anywhere in the city, and you have a little epiphany. It's not their fault that the exchange rate is so unfavorable or, really, that the prices don't match with just about anywhere else in the world. And it was 3:00 anyway, so maybe dinner prices are appropriate for this hour and perhaps that was Evian water. Plus, these people clearly live in “Alternate Price Universe.” They can't help it! So you say thank you with your biggest smile, and pray that you'll be able to afford the next 24 hours in the country without having to barter off your left arm or first-born child.
--
Note: Texans are also similarly in an alternate-price universe, but where everything is cheap. My roommate Debbie is moving to Waco, where the cost of living there is reportedly around 20-something percent less than the national average. This may also be due to the fact that no one actually wants to move to Waco.
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